...just taken place for me as day before yesterday I was standing in my living room preparing put in action my plan for success and happiness when out of the clear blue sky I felt a big sneeze building up with that deep tickle in the sinuses and it let loose with an explosion!

As I was reeling from blast escaping from my face, I felt and heard my back snap!

Crrrrraaaaaaccckkk!

There was a numbing pain spreading out across my spine and chest. The wind was knocked out of me, I couldn't breathe and I felt my knees buckle and I slowly fell to the floor.

Oh, the Holidays are gonna suck!

This has happened before, just can't remember it being caused by a sneeze, so I know the only thing that helps is to get flat on my back and stay there. For as long as necessary. Days even.

Remembering there was some painkillers left by a friend who lives with chronic pain who thought he might need them in case he were to visit, I searched my brain to figure out where they were and if they were within safe crawling distance.

I saw a bottle. That has to be them. I pull myself across the carpet burning my elbows as I go. Pain shooting through me. I shake the end-table until the bottle rolls over and falls with the lamp. I get the bottle.

No luck!

It's a bottle of Equate Aspirin 81mg... FUCK!

Okay, I'll take 5 of them, at least it'll help, right?

Not easy pills to swallow without water. They're small. They stick to the back of your throat. Bitter. Gag!

Maybe 4 hours later I'm high as a kite! Dreaming and floating and moving through sweet water or maybe the air has become molasses.

Today, after thinking about all I learned in the Alchemical Garden at the Edge of Time, it occurred to me that my friend left his pain medication in an empty Equate Aspirin bottle. My laser light show was being powered by 250mg of DARVON®!!!

I survived, but I met my Spirit Guides and they ROCK!

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

Thanks for all the gifts, treats, cards, wishes and sweet thoughts!

Love,

Jerry

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

If you're like me and find yourself all alone on Christmas, don't worry, we have each other!

Now do something good for yourself and take some time, sit in a soft chair, close your eyes, listen to one of my favorite stories by Theodore Sturgeon, published in Galaxy Science Fiction, February 1953 and broadcast on NBC, January 9, 1957 on one of my favorite radio shows, "X-Minus One" this is "A Saucer of Loneliness," please listen. It's not about the Holidays, but it might just be about you and me.

Thanks and Merry Christmas,

Jerry

You must visit:
http://www.jerrylentz.com/
http://www.facebook.com/jerrylentz
http://www.jerrylentz.com/podcast/podcast.xml

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

Holiday debuggery

We know there were a few kinks with the holiday promotion. We've been working very hard to get them ironed out. If you have a paid/permanent account, keep on sending those coupons. Here's an update:

• If you were unable to send out multiple coupons at a time, please perform a hard refresh, and you should be good to go.
• If you redeemed a coupon to upgrade your account and the balance at checkout was $0 instead of $9.95 or $15, this means your upgrade did not go through (nor were you charged). We've straightened this out, so you can now apply your holiday coupon toward the purchase of an annual paid account.
• If you tried to redeem a holiday coupon and had trouble using a gift certificate to cover the balance of an annual paid account, we identified the root problem. If this happened to you, you can now use your holiday coupon together with your gift certificate.
• If the number of holiday coupons you have available suddenly goes up (instead of down), this might be due to recipients declining the coupons, at which point your pool of available coupons will be replenished and, therefore, increase.
• If you need assistance with holiday coupons or pretty much anything else (well, LiveJournal related), please open a support request and we'll be more than happy to help!

Tweaks

• There were some initial glitches displaying results on My Guests, but we've worked them out. We hope you'll check out who's been checking you out!
• Some of you reported formatting issues using the Rich Text Editor (i.e., line breaks were being removed incorrectly). We've implemented a fix! Thanks so much for your patience.

Give a little extra!

We're pleased to report that we've already sold over 100 virtual red ribbons in honor of National AIDS Awareness month. Remember, for each charitable vgift you purchase for $2.99, we'll donate 100 percent of gross proceeds to IAVI.org (the International AIDS Vaccine Initiative) to fund the development of an HIV vaccine. Once again, we thank you for your generosity.

Celebrate with holiday vGifts!

Stop by the Virtual Gift Shop and share some holiday magic with your LiveJournal friends.

Photos of the week

We're back with more dazzling pictures from around the world. Congrats to marlenemcc, who has been awarded a virtual blue ribbon as the winner of our fourth photo contest. We hope you'll click over to LJ_Photophile poll and tell us your picks in pics!

For more fantastic user content, we'll meet you under the cut. ( Read more... )

Curtains

Thanks, again, for reading. Here's wishing you the very merriest of holidays. We'll see you next year!

i_hope_that
For many of us, the holidays can be kind of rough. If you're searching for a network of understanding friends, this ultra-nurturing community encourages you to express your heartfelt wishes and offer other members encouragement and acceptance. Not for the terminally snarky or emotionally-challenged, this is a good-spirited place to lend comfort and support.

diygifts
Feeling crafty? If you've got a few last folks on your holiday gift list, this is a great place to seed your creativity and generosity. You'll also discover wonderful DIY tips to decorate your home and entertain guests. Offering a no-frills-no-skills attitude that welcomes the cash-challenged and arts-phobic, you're sure to get ideas and make friends in the process.

cooking_club
A fun and friendly community dedicated to those who love to cook, whether you're a meat-and-potatoes type, an aspiring gourmand, and/or a vegan. In search of a brilliant dish to use up those weekly leftovers? Post your ingredients and you'll be whipping up a feast by dinner. You can also share favorite recipes. For Type A chefs, you can spice up your culinary repertoire with exciting cooking challenges.

stepstomarrow
When granddaughter, Jada, was born with leukemia, a donor-match was located and Jada made a miraculous recovery. In honor of her grandaughter's health, Jeanna has decided to walk across the country (in the dead of winter) to raise awareness and build support for the bone marrow registry (all that's required is a cheek swab). Follow Jeanna's remarkable journey as she travels the United States by foot.

...and by blues, I mean depression and not the musical genre... Some people can get it around Christmas and other junk. I do, but it can be anytime for me.

Anyway, one of the things I use to lift my spirits is to watch Norm Macdonald. He has always made me laugh. I believe he's a genius and surprised more of my friends don't get him.

I've seen him in person a few times and once I laughed so hard I was sore for a week.

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

Get to know My Guests. Want to know who's checking you out? You can now view the 100 most recent, logged-in users who visited your journal during the past 30-day period with My Guests. For those who prefer to fly under the radar, you can update your My Guests privacy setting here.

Introducing My Stats. If you have a Paid or Permanent account, you can now see detailed reports on how many people are visiting your journal, friends pages, and entries (wherever they're posted on LiveJournal). You can also view data on comments and RSS requests. My Stats is only available to Paid and Permanent account holders, but you can upgrade anytime. (FYI, an annual subscription costs less than a large pizza with everything on it, PLUS it's rumored to make you lose weight in your sleep!) For additional details on this feature, read this article in paidmembers.

Get ready to check your vital statistics!. To begin, mouse over Journal in the upper nav bar and select My Stats from the dropdown menu (Horizon) or select My Stats under Journal in the side bar (Vertigo). If you're using another design scheme, you can visit My Stats directly. You'll find My Guests on the My Stats tool bar.

Happy holiday promotion!

We're delighted to tell you about our holiday coupons, which will help you share the love with your LiveJournal friends! If you have a Paid or Permanent account, you can send up to 10 LiveJournal Basic/Plus users a $10 coupon for an annual paid subscription now through January 15th, 2010. Recipients can upgrade for $9.95 (instead of $19.95) for one year by enrolling in our automatic payment plan or make a manual payment of $15 (instead of $25). Please note that these coupons are not transferable and cannot be used to renew existing paid accounts. If you're a Paid/Permanent user, you can send out your holiday coupons now!

Tweaks and Enhancements

1. The search is on: We've replaced our default search tool with one from Yandex, a leader in search engine technology. This means you'll get smarter, more granular results! To get started, enter your search terms and click the Go button to the left of the Find box on the upper right of the LiveJournal header. This will take you to the search landing page where you can further refine by Entries, Comments, People & communities, and FAQs. You can also access the search page directly.
2. Whitelisting: We've released a new option to help you moderate your busy communities more efficiently. If an entry contains a link to a whitelisted (i.e., trusted) site, it will be posted automatically without need for moderator approval. If a post contains a link that is not on the whitelist, you'll be prompted to approve. To access this option, please visit settings for any community you maintain and select the third option in the Community Moderation box (located in the lower left-hand corner). Click the enable link to custom-edit your community's whitelist, which has been prepopulated with trusted domains. You can manually add or delete URLs in the text box. Please note: If you're the maintainer of an unmoderated community, you may see the radio button for this setting checked, even though it's not active. This is a known issue. Please select whichever option you prefer and click Save Changes at the bottom of the page. If you're happy with your current settings, then no need to do anything!
3. TMI, dude: We've added some fun FREE sponsored vgifts! You can send up to 50 TMI vgifts to mutual friends (btw, you cannot send free vgifts to communities). If you're a Paid/Permanent user and you want to view sponsored gifts, click Show sponsored gifts on your homepage or visit the sponsored gift page. These vgifts will only be available through Wednesday, December 23rd.

You can view more awesome user content after the jump!

( Read more... )

Curtains

Thanks, again, for joining us. Until next time, stay snug!

...on this Atkins Diet, but meat is expensive, as well as murder! However, I'm treating my meat as a tool... ...and my tool needs a box!

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

Strange podcast show today. Just listen! You'll dig it!

Area 69, Alien Abduction of a Teen Girl, Psychic Fiends, Listener Dreams of Murder, New Dinosaurs, World War 3, David Bowie Freezes His Pee, Farting Pigs, Dirty Thoughts on Paper, and Loneliness is the New Killer App!

Having difficulties with my new recording studio and new recording equipment. Just horrible trouble. The sound may be weird, I don't know. Maybe it will be better. I'm so burned out listening to all the variations of sounds from different microphones, I just can't tell what sounds good anymore.

My AT4050 CM5 has a bad component, my Cubase AI5 just picked up a fault in the AE35 unit, it's going to go 100% failure in 72 hours and I gotta go over to Tosche Station to pick up some power converters, so my Recording Studio is in FAIL.

Then, after much praying I decided to ignore sound quality for now and go with quantity and compelling podcast content! This podcast is a doozy! You'll just have to hear it!

Find links to generous supporters of The Jerry Lentz Podcast and consider being a supporter of this Independent Radio Show yourself by visiting the Magic Ball Tip Jar on this site.

http://www.jerrylentz.com

Listen, subscribe and share this podcast in various ways by visiting these links!

http://jerrylentz.podomatic.com/

http://www.blubrry.com/jerrylentz/

http://www.gcast.com/u/JerryLentz/main

http://www.jerrylentz.com/podcast/podcast.xml

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=304095539

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

Several messages, comments and email from some very well known authors of erotica, romance and porn, as well as a few literary agents have been kind enough to take a break in the hurried Xmas shopping to let me know how they are enjoying my words.

Yay!

If I can't make you wet in person, I'll try hard with my writing.

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

taste_buds
Holidays provide a built-in excuse for indulgent entertaining. This all-purpose foodie community covers everything from homemade hangover cures to dinner party menus. Need quick advice? Get five-minute snack suggestions, low-fat ingredient substitutes, and even measurement conversions. Delicious recipes garnished with humorous advice. Yum.

naturesbeauty
Always on the lookout for compelling images, we were delighted to discover this flourishing community of artists who share a love of nature. Honoring the subject with photographs, paintings, sketches, prose, poetry, and other creative works, you'll be simultaneously riveted to your monitor and inspired to run helter skelter towards the nearest wooded dale.

The prolonged anticipation was unbearable. It had been years. Jerry seemed to be peering at her intently from his image on her monitor. She stared with longing at him. She even imagined with such clarity the sound of his voice and the heat of it on the back of her neck.

She lowered the light in her room. They were alone now. She couldn't help but notice a tingle of excitement inside her. Her nipples, taut beneath the thin fabric of her blouse as she imagine his hot tongue lightly exploring the rosy peaks of her breasts.

Her breath caught in her throat when she noticed he had posted a new Facebook status, a delightful shiver of wanting ran over her body, her dress crept up onto her thighs as she moved closer to her warm computer and waves of ecstasy throbbed through her as she clicked comment.

What would she say to him? Could she say she wanted him? How would he respond?

In posting on Facebook Jerry found a mindless solidity that helped camouflage the deep despair of loneliness, but she responded and arrived in his room, her breasts surged at the intimacy of his touch and that warm kiss in the hollow of her neck.

She felt his lips touch her like a whisper. His moist, firm mouth demanded a response. She kissed him with a hunger that belied her outward calm. She began tearing at her clothing to free her body, a body that was swirling in flames, blood pounded in her brain, leapt from her heart, and made her knees tremble.

He lifted her nude body and laid her on the bed. His body imprisoned her in a web of growing arousal. He quickly undressed as she lay panting, her chest heaving beneath him. His clothes slid away from between them like an opening curtain revealing exquisite emotions, and a floodtide of liberation for her mind and body. Their hands and mouths began an exploration of the soft flesh. She writhed under his body. Skin to skin, they were as one.

Her body melted against his and her world was filled with Jerry.

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous